Self-Discipline

Self-discipline is a principle that needs to be integrated into one's way of live life.  When it comes time for Patrick to learn learn the lesson, it will likely come as a constant progression through his early years, rather than as an abrupt checkpoint in his life .

Self-discipline is not a personality trait or natural gift; it is something that can be encouraged and developed over time.

Self-discipline is doing something you don't want to do but know you need to do for a long-term benefit.  Responsible adults generally become that way by choosing to deny the immediate impulses that cross their path and planning a course toward what they hope to achieve.

Being committed to raising a responsible child, I must make the effort to teach Patrick self-discipline.

I know that there are a few basics when it comes to self-disciple. An individual with self-discipline needs to:

1. Have a Goal.
2. Have opportunity to Practice.
3. Maintain a steady Pace when working toward the goal.
4. Focus on Reasons for success, rather than excuses for failure.

I can't coddle him as he gets older.  Basically, this means I shouldn't protect him from the consequences of his choices.  I know this will be a painful thing for me to achieve.  This means I will have to give in to what the he wants many times, regardless of whether or not it's good for him in the long run.  As he begins to make decisions, at times I will have to allow him to make the wrong choice when I know he will learn from his mistakes.  This doesn't mean that I am going to let him harm himself or ruin his future.  He needs to be able to make choices that involve smaller consequences.  Through these smaller, practice choices he can have something go wrong that does not have irreparable consequences.  Most people learn well from making mistakes.

He needs to be involved in something beyond family, where he can learn self-disciple in a group environment.  He has to learn be committed to practice, attend events, and even practice at home or with friends.  In order to develop his skills, he needs to say "no" to other things that don't contribute to his goal.  I know that when he becomes involved in something that causes him to stretch, he will learn self-discipline more easily.

As with anything else in life, I have to model self-discipline.  Children learn by example and Patrick needs to learn that self-discipline is important to me.

I need to teach, as well as model, proper anger management.  Anger is a common emotion, and when I am angry, I tend to be less in control than in almost any other situation.  I generally step away from a situation when I feel myself getting angry and take some time after I cool down talking through what I could have done differently with Jen (my wife) ... I need to make sure Patrick develops a method for properly handling is anger.

I need to focus on ways to keep our lives simpler ... Patrick needs to see that material things are less important than intangibles that often matter more.  Children see new things their friends have and want to have the same things, regardless of family income or attitude.

For me as a father, a few simple choices and activities will have huge positive results in helping Patrick develop proper self-discipline.