Fatherhood

I always kind of chuckled when parents started bringing out the pictures of their kids. Yes, they are cute (those of you that have shown me photographs over the years, I did enjoy seeing them) ... but, the depth of their excitement was, at the time, beyond me. Now, I find myself loading pictures of Patrick on my computer, home and at work, and on my phone. I don't hesitate to trot them out ... showing off cutest and most amazing "little dude" I know (does that make me a "big dude?")! I am quickly learning that there was something to all those "proud parents" ... that being politely excited as a non-parent was not as impressive as I thought ... To all those parents that trotted out their pictures, you have my sincere apologies (I did enjoy them). To all those non-parents I hope to torture with pictures of an amazing child ... I plan to enjoy every moment and hope you one day understand what I mean here.

Patrick was upset when his mother went outside without him (cooking on the grill).  I set Patrick down on his feet the floor in the sun-room.  He was grasping my fingers as he normally did.  I pulled by fingers free and lightly supported his elbows.  He started walking forward ... out of my hands and simply kept on going.  Baby steps (those words will never mean the same thing to me again), but walking. I quickly got ahead of him and got Jen's to come back to the door and she got to see about half of the first walk ... to her, at the door waiting for him!  Fifteen feet on the first walk ... awesome! He walked from the swing to his Mama ... diving into her arms after about ten feet! Inside a few minutes later, he crossed the living room lengthwise for about 30 feet of walking ... up onto the rug in the middle of the room. AND, later he walked about eight feet toward his Papap, falling for the first time in any of his efforts. I think at some...

Due to timing (my new job), Jennifer's been handling a lot of the delivery, both to and from day-care lately.  Patrick seems none the worse for wear, but I do miss the look on his face as he recognizes people he knows in the morning and the look of pure joy as he spots me in the afternoon. A few days ago, I got to drop him off and pick him up due to a change in Jen's work schedule. What an experience this was.  The drop off went normal ... it was when I went to pick him up that I got a bit of a shock ... I knew, logically, that Patrick was being moved up to a new room.  Basically, he is still assigned to the infant room, but spends part of the day with the toddlers; getting him acclimated to the new teachers, room, and schedule.  Soon, he will be in the new room for toddlers full time. What I wasn't prepared for was how small and fragile the infants were.  I do remember holding him with one arm and remarking to myself how small and fragile  he was. ...

I remember finding out my wife was pregnant; it was uplifting and a bit terrifying at the same time.  A few months later, hearing his heartbeat through the fetal monitor, I was amazed that it could move so fast.  That was the point I think I truly realized where we were headed.  I began to think about what our child's life was to be life ... Throughout Patrick's life, there have been many firsts ... some would say they are all firsts, but these are the ones that locked in as a memory (for me). I can still distinctly remember the first sounds Patrick made when he was being fed ... how can any of us that heard it ever forget that coo.  Not long after that, we got to see his first smile for his grandmother. Neither are we likely to ever forget the effort put in to getting him to crawl.  I do believe he knew what we were doing and just waited for us to let our guard down.  He did eventually get moving, in his own time ... and most likely won't be ...

I was watching " Kung Fu Panda 2 " tonight with Patrick asleep over my shoulder; watching Po as he learned about his parents and who his father really was.  It got me thinking about who my son will be and the pride I will always feel for him. I was also remembering the day he first came into my life. When Jen and I got married, my father told me about his wedding day ... how my mother winked to him as she came down the isle and he knew everything would be OK.  As I saw my bride, she took my breath away.  Literally.  I forgot to breathe.  Partway down the isle, she winked at me (I wasn't the only one that heard that story) and I too knew, deep inside me, that everything would be OK.  Little did I know the journey we were beginning together. At the time, I imagined I knew the height of emotion; of the love in my life.  Boy, was I wrong ... that day, as Patrick struggled to come into the world, I saw a level of love and trust in my wife's eyes that ...