Skip to main content

More Self-Control

My understanding of developing self-confidence and self-esteem is that indiscriminate praise with actually undermine a parents attempts at moving the child forward. Having said that, it is near impossible to not praise every activity when everything is new and challenging for a new child.

Praise that allows a child to see that they are developing skills appropriately actively works at helping them develop a mindset where they are willing to take on more challenges. What I am hoping to develop in Patrick is a "growth mindset."

Where I see a true challenge as a parent is developing "self-control." It is one of the most important skills I can teach my son, more so than intelligence, when it comes to achievement: academic or otherwise. I tend to avoid looking at what researchers are doing ... one points left, while the other points right. Thus, I find myself thinking about things like development of delayed gratification (I know, this is me talking ... I am the worst at delayed gratification).

I need to focus on allowing him to build on what he is doing to control himself. Watching what calms him will allow me to focus on helping him build his own strategies for self-control. Firm guidance is important, but allowing him to develop his own strategies is even more so.

Also, he needs to engage in physical experiences and games, rather than sitting still for extended periods of time. Most children learn best through hands-on activities ... makes sense.

Right along with physical experiences and games, there needs to be opportunities for play ... not just academics. Part of being a child is having fun ... in this, I need to remember to encourage his interests, to promote and build on them.

And, with all these means of promoting and developing self-control, I have to remember to help him set and achieve goals ... not impose my own goals on him. This has to apply to both short term and long term goals.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Getting Involved

This is the second night in a row that we were able to spend time and Grandma and Papap's ... Patrick enjoys it so much! We even had a rousing rendition of "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" with all five of us involved ... yes, Patrick is pitching in now. He runs from person to person, giving a bit to each one of us ... there is never a dull moment. Tonight, he repeated a new activity from last night. Last night, it was getting everyone involved in chasing him around the house ... tonight, we had this activity, but what we saw was that he wanted to play different games and wanted certain people involved. This is when he went to each person that needed to be involved and grabbed a finger, pulling them along. He even checked every now and then to make sure they were still following. Such an amazing child ... knows how to ensure that we sleep well.

Outside Play

Patrick loves to be outside. When he arrived home yesterday, I was just getting finished with some weeding ... he and Jen immediately jumped in to help. We dragged branches to the pile in the back yard. Then, I found Jen and Patrick getting ready for a bike ride. Wanting to spend time with my wife and son, I opted into the ride. We didn't go far, my back and legs were a bit sore at that point ... but we did get out together as a family. The bike seat we have is not the kind I remember as I grew up. Patrick's is pretty close to my seat, in fact my heels hit the lower part of his seat if I am not paying attention. Despite this, we have a lot of fun. He loves to look around and notices things ... at one point, Jen wandered off and he started calling to her until she headed back to what he considered a safe distance. He is also a boy and likes to play. He "high-fived" my back and spent a few minutes pulling my shirt out. I hope I never forget the head-butt...

Terror or Anger

Jennifer and I woke about twenty minutes ago to Patrick crying ... nothing unusual. I asked her to get him since I have to start getting ready for work in about three hours (yes, I have to work on a Saturday). Where things became unusual was the loud, sustained crash, and Patrick's cries rising to a hefty scream. Being the concerned parent that I am ... with visions of his changing table collapsed on top of him, I rushed to their aid. "What was that?" I cried. Jennifer, weakly replied, "I fell down the stairs." With Patrick screaming at the top of his lungs, I think I actually asked her to repeat what she said. I found my wife sitting, with her legs out and my son in her arms, at the bottom of the stairs. Asking if she and Patrick were OK was mixed into confused questioning about what happened. Somehow, her feet went out from under her (we suspect a couple of the leaves that Patrick likes to play with were on the steps). While my real concern was i...