Fatherhood

Tonight was the second night of our "indoor tears" issue. Last night, not long after I got home, Patrick started to cry ... these were tears of pain, rubbing his eyes pretty hard. Since it was a Papa night (all he wanted was me), I propped him over my shoulder and started bouncing him. He settled in, as if sleep was all he wanted. Mind you, he was still crying and rubbing the eyes. Then, he rolled horizontal, letting my hold him in my arms ... still rubbing eyes and crying. This went on for about thirty minutes. I tried having Jen take him, but we had the same symptoms, but now he wanted me again. I settled in for a long night and started walking him around the house. The pain was pretty obvious so we got medication into him ... Another thirty minutes went by when I walked near the back door when he jumped up and stopped crying ... a switch got thrown. We even had a smile. Jen came down since he had stopped crying so abruptly and I started walking toward her. About

One of the cool parts of being a father is when Mama and her son are having one of those incredible moments. I get to watch them ... seeing the look of pure joy in each of their faces. Last night, it was music ... of all things, from a soccer ball. It was one of those children's toys that sings various songs when it bounces. Patrick would whack the ball, smile from ear to ear, then start rocking from side to side with the music. I have watched him rock and dance to music before and this was the most animated (full body ... legs and arms going everywhere). This would have been really cool, but what made it truly exciting was that he was sitting in his mother's lap and she was rocking with him ... with the same look on her face. Oh, the advantages of being a father!

... and Connecting Learned Skills Well, I do not know if it is official, but his learning curve has definitely gone through the roof. Patrick has been off for a few days (not feeling well). I got home to a rather upset (in pain) son ... once we got things under control, I was playing with him around the computers (yes, watching that the glowing power switch did not catch his attention) ... when he decided to climb the step-ladder. He has done this many times, but this time he got up both steps with no assistance and was definitely proud of what he could do. Then, I upped the ante ... I took Patrick and the ladder in the kitchen and set it up in front of the microwave and watched him climb up ... then realize where he was. Skills so far (all separate skills): Climbing the step-ladder Opening and closing the microwave door Setting the time and clicking start on the microwave (OK, some assistance here) Getting food from the cupboard and taking it to the microwave ...

A simple game of peek-a-boo, running around the loop of bedroom, bathroom, and hallway was interrupted with a quick game of "king of the hill," climbing the large pile of laundry that Jen and I have been working on since moving in (it is a challenge re-washing almost everything we own while keeping up with what we are currently wearing). Up the pile my son went, to roll of the top of the hill, into my lap ... over and over. It is amazing the fun we can have with laundry. Then, it was quickly back to running laps ... which got terminated when Patrick said "bye-bye" to his mother and promptly shut the bathroom door on his fingers. Amazingly, mother's kisses really do work as the tears stopped once she kissed the bruised fingers.

My understanding of developing self-confidence and self-esteem is that indiscriminate praise with actually undermine a parents attempts at moving the child forward. Having said that, it is near impossible to not praise every activity when everything is new and challenging for a new child. Praise that allows a child to see that they are developing skills appropriately actively works at helping them develop a mindset where they are willing to take on more challenges. What I am hoping to develop in Patrick is a "growth mindset." Where I see a true challenge as a parent is developing "self-control." It is one of the most important skills I can teach my son, more so than intelligence, when it comes to achievement: academic or otherwise. I tend to avoid looking at what researchers are doing ... one points left, while the other points right. Thus, I find myself thinking about things like development of delayed gratification (I know, this is me talking ... I am the wo

Oh my ... It has been one of those days. Patrick fell down the steps outside; thankfully no major damage ... in fact, none that we can find. He dropped the mop handle on his toe ... it is now quite red. Next, he walked into the table ... took the corner on his forehead; it was quite a resounding thunk. Good goose-egg up there. He's still got he scrape on his knee from a few days ago ... definitely all boy. This is one of those days to get scraped, bonked, and generally dirty and beat up. I can't wait to see what will happen over the next few hours before we go to bed.

Well, there it is ... Patrick was introduced to the "Italian: Money, Money ..." with the hand gestures and all. It started a few days ago and has become a regular part of our play with him during the day. Not much of a blog, but IT IS HILARIOUS ... There is definitely Italian blood in my son, from both sides of the family ... and it gets us laughing!

I was having a conversation with some friends today that began to delve into the destructive abilities of children. This got me thinking about what my son has learned in his short sixteen months about technology. Light switches, no problem ... he found the on/off switch to my computer in seconds. He can program the microwave to heat his meals. He has learned how to open a flip phone (oh, and press buttons). He has managed to call the operator a few times ... no 911 calls to this point. He has learned to access a smart phone with a touch screen ... interesting photos. He knows which one is the remote control that we use for cable and television (the three that control nothing are of no interest). Who knows what we will be watching next. He also plays games on my iPad with his Papap ... Air Hockey anyone? And, all I can say at this point it, "How quickly they learn."

... to a Child There is no question that a child without a father in the home has much greater challenges in their lives than those with a father. Here are some statistics I have seen ... According to the US Census Bureau, 24 million children in America (one in three) live in homes without fathers. Educational Attainment: Kids living in single-parent homes or in step-families report lower educational expectations on the part of their parents, less parental monitoring of school work, and less overall social supervision than children from intact families. (N.M. Astore and S. McLanahan, American Sociological Review , No. 56 (1991) Achievement: Children from low-income, two-parent families outperform students from high-income, single-parent homes. Almost twice as many high achievers come from two-parent homes as one-parent homes. ( One-Parent Families and Their Children , Charles F. Kettering Foundation, 1990). High School Dropouts: 71% of all high school dropouts come from

Revenge ... that state we get to when things do not go the way we want. With my son, I am learning that this is almost a daily event. Yesterday, I got upset when he turned the computer off while I was working on it. I was more upset that the work got lost than anything else, and I am learning to manage how I respond when upset. Patrick, on the other hand responded as you would expect a sixteen month old child to. He headed to the bookshelf and started ripping books off the shelves (I've got to move the First Edition and Signed books onto higher shelves). Today, when I took the clicker back, another book got tossed across the room ... the one I was reading at the time (John Carter in flight) ... I have got so much to learn.

I got home last night to find a neighbor on the phone, rather irate. This would not have been a concern normally, if he had not been doing it right outside our garage ... where I was cutting down boxes at the time. Later on, he knocked on the door to let us know that the telephone pole behind our house had fallen and there were power lines on the ground. I followed him out and could clearly see the pole leaning on one of our trees ... and, yes there was smoke. About ten minutes later, after I told Jen what was going on, the transformer blew ... and the power went out. Thankfully, we had just finished cooking dinner. I had Jen pack up what she could and head to my parents. A hungry son was packed into the car and left. Not long after, the fire department showed up ... fire and all. They checked things out and taped off our back yard ... thankfully, not the whole house. About an hour later, the power company showed up ... I should say, one small truck and a single technician wh

You would think that the creaking floor (loud all over the house, but particularly in front of the crib), the hound dog next door, and the constant lights and sirens at night would be major issues for a child at sixteen months old. Oh, and do not forget the church bells from down the road ... every hour. Apparently not. Sleeping in a different bed, a different brand of diaper, a change in food and drink ... maybe a thunderstorm or two ... Not even close. Now, family that he has not seen in a few days ... that will keep him up and throw off the rhythm. And, the more time he gets around them, the further off the rhythm gets. And, it's all for love ... even at his age, he knows who loves him and returns it with his whole heart. The love of a small child ... what more do we need?

"Papap, you need to learn to share." His words coming back to him from my nephew ... As a father, I am just getting into the phase where my son needs to learn how to share. There is a big wheel bike he likes to ride, wooden blocks he loves to knock over (regardless of how many times you build something or how complex it is), oh ... and I've heard the donut you have is his, as well. When families get together, this is a constant concern for me. Patrick is just to small to understand that someone else is playing with a toy that he knows he likes from experience. Also, there is a certain level of excitement over these toys ... just because someone else is using them. Although, I have to admit that he is very good at playing with others, as long as you do not mind playing his way (as I said, blocks get knocked over ... never built up).

Patrick has a long and glorious future in front of him. That does not mean that I have a clue about my future as a parent. There were so many things that I was sure of before I had a child. I got an e-mail this morning from the  LEGO Learning Institute, Denmark. They want to use one of my images ( Adjusted Lego Heart ) in a video about "Systematic Creativity" ... actual academic research, to be used both internally and externally. I cannot even remember when I got to take a photograph that did not have Patrick in it ... and I love it! Now, I am sitting home ... Patrick is asleep in his crib ... on a Friday morning (my work schedule has aligned with the day-care in-service day ... I never knew they had such a thing; once a month and we have to arrange for one of us to be home). I've got an ear cocked for sounds from above ... praying that today will be a fun day. Maybe this afternoon, we will invite Papap for lunch at McDonald's and spend some time over ther

I have watched Patrick grow ... in so many ways. He is a loving child who makes friends wherever he goes. Only recently has he shown any inclination to be shy. He is curious ... even more so when he knows he has seen his mother or father do something (cooking on the stove, working with knives, ...). He loves to help ... wiping down a table or sweeping the floor (it's actually not much help, but we all love it). And, best of all (I think), he always makes us laugh ... at him and at ourselves (and our expectations). Children: Make Friends Fast ... no worries about rejection or relationships. Do Not Hold Grudges ... don't stay mad or gossip; when it's over, it is over. Are Eternally Curious ... constantly trying new things and asking questions. Are Confident ... strong self-esteem; willing to do more. Play ... for the sake of playing. Nothing more. Show Their Feelings ... the good, the bad, and the ugly. Like Getting Dirty Are Uninhibited ... in every sense of th

Most of this week, on vacation in Tennessee, we've been without cell service and barely have Internet service (it's really not all that bad ... frustrating at times would be a good way to phrase it).  This trip really got me thinking about our reliance on technology. Finding time as a family ... minus all electronics (this one was handed to us). What a concept I have to look forward to ... Patrick who could care less and Jen who is lucky to check her email and phone once a week. I know ... what a surprise that this one scares me. Working with computers and electronics since the age of ten, I would like to think that electronics do not control my life. I'd like to think I am in control of them ... yet, here I am writing a blog about the concept of integrating time off from electronics into the concept of family. I was (and am) the one that people call when they cannot figure out their electronics ... phone, TV, DVD, computer, and so on (it is my job). Quality time ..

It is a guy thing. There is a level of control that we take when we have the Remote Control. I am not completely sure that this applies to all men, but I know that it applies to me. When the television is on, I like to have the control ... I can certainly give that control up without any qualms, but I would rather not. Becoming a father, I am quickly learning some things about giving up control by letting go of the Remote Control. Patrick loves to play with the "clicker" ... it has buttons, lights up, and changes things on the television (not that he watches, he just likes to see it change). This has become a constant "battle" ... no, too strong a word ... maybe "struggle" would be better. I have another clicker that does nothing ... and I watch and change channels when he has it, so that he thinks he is doing something. Oh, and remember that I cannot just give it to him. He has to discover that his father was not watching close enough. Recently,

Patrick's passion for car's continues. He has always loved driving ... or standing on our lap, turning the steering wheel, changing the radio and AC, turning on the turn signals, and cleaning the wind-shield over and over. And never forget honking the horn. He also has a passion for Match-box cars ... all kinds; driving them, rolling them, crashing them ... and now and then, eating them (or making a good attempt at it). I found two of the larger metal cars that I got years ago as a curiosity (did I say previously that we are still unpacking) ... the doors and hood opens; one even has a trunk that opens and steering wheel that turns the wheels. These were a hit ... particularly the Shelby (yes, we like Mustangs in this family) ... and I can see more fun to come ...

Patrick has had a variety of methods to let us know he is hungry. These range from red-faced screaming to the sign for more taught at school. Generally, he has indicated more and headed for his high-chair ... getting a bit more strenuous when we do not move fast enough. This morning, he tried something new to me ... he went into the closet where we keep his food and got a container. Then, without Jen and I knowing, he put it in the kitchen in front of the microwave. I knew something was going on when he came out and grabbed by finger ... pulling me toward the kitchen. When I saw the container of food, I had a pretty good idea of what was going on.

Patrick, like all little kids loves to play with balls. I remember the first few times with rolled a ball back and forth. His aim was interesting and took several of us to keep up with him. The same process occurred as he learned to throw the ball ... although, we added in throws that went behind him which were not as frequent when he rolled the ball. He loves to have the big rubber balls bounced off his head and chest. The laughter is almost magical. Last night, he found one of Jen's workout balls that weights about 5 pounds. Watching the look of anguish as he lifted it the first time was hilarious. He did manage to throw it about a foot and loved every second of it. Later in the evening, he brought the ball to me and "threw it" into my lap ... again, one of the "pains" that I am learning to deal with as a father.

As a child (and as most boys), I loved playing with Hot Wheels. Patrick loves to ride his cousin's Hot Wheels trike ... a lot like the Big Wheels I used to use, except this one has buttons that make motorcycle sounds and plays music. A few weeks ago, he got to play with some of his cousin's Hot Wheels cars ... much to his cousin's consternation. I made an effort to purchase some cars for Patrick to minimize this conflict. I have made an effort to locate Mustangs ... there are more out there than I ever remember. He loves them. We push the cars back and forth across the room for hours. These same cars are stashed all through the house and I am waiting for the day when I find one underfoot. Last night, Patrick grabbed on of his cars and came over to me after about thirty minutes of rolling the car. He backed up to me and sat in my lap. Looking up into my face, he smiled and handed the car to me. I knew what he expected ... this is a relatively new game for us. I t

Patrick had a different day today. His mother stayed home, since her mother was in town. We planned a trip to the local shooting range (indoor) / gun store ... practice for Jen and I, as well as an introduction to pistols for my mother-in-law. I got there after work and Donna and I quickly got onto the range. Patrick and Jen watched from the window. After firing a few times, I wandered by the window while throwing out the trash and saw Patrick hauling a manual vacuum around the shop. The smile on his face would light up any room. A while later, I stepped out to give Jen some time on the range. Patrick and I "swept" the store (one of his favorite activities for those that haven't been following the blog). The staff were delighted ... they were happy to let him clean any area and he was certainly willing. Following more cleaning (and more range time for the adults), we called it a day and headed home. Wouldn't you know it, but the first thing he went for was

... well, not a baby. A little boy ... Patrick bonked his head at school the other day; a pretty solid hit. He left a bruise that lasted for a few days. He was dancing ... which at the time entailed spinning around the room. He hit his head when he fell into a book-case. He's always had a few tunes that caught his interest and he chair-danced. Today, he showed two new skills with music. While standing, he was bobbing his head to the music, making sure everyone was watching. He also, later, was swinging his arms while holding my hands to the music!

I do not remember quite when I first heard the phrase, "Throw it against the wall and see if it sticks." It could have been my mother, grandmother, or aunt ... it could have been someone along the way as I learned to cook. But, this phrase is one that comes to mind whenever I am cooking an Italian meal. Recently, this phrase has taken on new meaning for me as a father and as a cook. Patrick has taken to throwing food and with his seat near a wall, we have had spaghetti, yogurt, and macaroni plastered to the wall ... to name just a few foods. And, I am sure there are more foods on their way.

Tonight, we had an incident ... and, by that I mean blood and screaming incident. Patrick was helping me as usual. I was installing a grounded outlet for the computer and he wanted a screwdriver (yes, the one I had in my hand, not the one off the shelf). I did convince him to take another one and he was so excited he had to show his mother. Then, it happened ... the end of peace in the household; at least for a few hours. The screwdriver fell ... and as most do for someone that small, it fell tip down and hit the big toe on his left foot. He dropped next, screaming. We got water and a wet dish towel which was quickly replaced with paper towels and ice. And, while the screaming persisted (with a visibly upset Mama and Papa), the blood did slow from a small river to a dot that reappeared every few minutes. Mama got the stickiest bandaid she could find and we got it on him ... and as far as I know it's still on. So much for peace in the house tonight ...

Today, for dessert at dinner, we had Key Lime Pie. Patrick likes all kinds of foods and will try just about anything. We say at times that he is not big on sweets, but he loves Swedish Fish, as I have noted before. He eats vegetables, salads, just about every meat out there, as well as breads and cheeses. He also likes spicy and/or tangy foods ... so it was not so much of a surprise that he loves Key Lime Pie. Now, I just need to make some from scratch.

One of Patrick's favorite snacks is Swedish Fish. His grandmother introduced him to them and it was love at first bite. All we have to do is mention them and he gets excited ... hand out, eyes glinting in excitement. Tonight I opened a fresh bag and was passing them to him one at a time ... over a period of about an hour. I had some projects to finish, so I handed the bag off to Jen and went into the other room, secure in the knowledge that the fish would keep him securely distracted so that I could get some work done. A few minutes into hanging a copper butterfly from the ceiling, I got called into the kitchen ... "Papa, you've got to see this." As I entered, I saw Patrick with a handful of what had to be about eight Swedish Fish ... which he promptly crammed into his mouth. Mimicking a chipmunk, he reached into the bag and grabbed a few more ... to the peals of his parent's laughter. With a fish in each hand and his mouth stuffed, he looked at me w

Patrick is in a good mood tonight. In particular, after drawing, sweeping, unscrewing the screws in our chairs, climbing our step-ladder, and driving the car, he wanted me to go through on of the books we have with pictures of various animals. As we went through the animals (yes, with me providing the appropriate sound effects that he tries to mimic) he got tired of standing while I lay on the couch. Indicating he wanted up, what was a father to do? So, there we were, me laying on the couch with my son sitting on my stomach (you can guess from the title where this is going) ... it only took a few minutes for me to figure out the logistics and get back to the sound effects, a bit muffled since I could not get a full breath. Then, it happened ... Patrick decided to bounce. The air pumped from my lungs, he bounced again ... I actually think he was bouncing to the rhythm of Jen's laughter. I even managed  to keep my dinner down as this went on for about ten minutes ... my laugh

We had a long weekend ... particulary Patrick at fifteen months old. Yesterday, Monday, he had a rough time getting up according to Jen. Coming home from daycare, everything seemed normal ... until we drove home from a trip to the store when he fell asleep in his seat. It was early in the day ... so a bit unusual. Then, he and Jen took a walk about an hour later and he came home sound asleep. This was about two hours earlier than he normally goes out for the night. He slept ... until about midnight when Jen and I heard him crying. Jen got up to check on him and get him back to sleep. About two in the morning, I awoke to see lights on. When I listened, I heard Patrick ... playing. I got up to find a very alert son in his highchair and a sleepy looking mommy feeding him. When I asked how Jen was doing, she said she was tired, but she would take care of Patrick. Night and days mixed up ... probably not the last time ...

We bought a new car this weekend ... Patrick loved it. He got to play everywhere. We were outside, checking out the vehicles they had in stock. He got to sit in the back, up front, and event in the driver's seat. Nothing like having your son dragging on the steering wheel and setting the A/C to make a car more inviting. Then, we were inside the dealership. Patrick was playing and eyeing the balloons ... silver and black. One of the salesmen brought a basket of legos from the kids area (yes, an area just for smaller kids). Patrick loved pushing the basket around the dealership ... it kept him amused for about thirty minutes. At one point, Jen had to head home to get some paperwork ... Patrick finally let go of the silver balloon long enough for me to take him back to the kids area. I loved the small hand-prints all over the balloon. In the kids area, we got to play with a racetrack ... nothing like cars to keep a small boy amused for five minutes. Eventually, Patrick tra